Tag Archive: happiness


“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
—Ghandi

I’ve just spent the day carrying buckets of mortar, moving rocks, cutting rebar and shovelling dirt, and I feel fantastic.

Before I left to come to be part of the Habitat for Humanity build in Bolivia, I worried about how I would deal with the strain of the hard physical labour. And make no mistake, it’s hard physical labour.

Right now, I feel so energized after spending my day doing one small thing to make one small part of the world just a little brighter.

On Sunday night we met the family with whom we will build the house. They are a hardworking family with two children, but no matter how hard they worked, they just couldn’t manage to save enough to get a home of their own. They needed a little boost. Habitat gave them the hand up they needed.

Habitat has a “hand up, not a hand out” philosophy.

The family that will live in the house we’re building will build it along with us. When it’s done, they will have an interest-free mortgage that they will repay to Habitat for Humanity. That money will cycle back into more homes for more people. When homeowners help to build a house brick by brick—self-construction they call it—and when they pay for it themselves, there is pride of ownership and a feeling of accomplishment. 

The family we are working with is overwhelmed that a team of Canadians would come to volunteer their time to help them with their home. It seems fitting. They neighbourhood where we are building the house is called “Canada.”

No wonder I feel so at home.

People for good

You might have seen the newspaper ads by now. Small notices here and there encourage us to perform acts of kindness—for our own good. Because, according to the People for Good organization, when we do something good for others, we give ourselves a natural boost, and the high can last for weeks.

Imagine if we did something nice for someone every day. Maybe we have stumbled upon the secret to happiness?

Opportunities for good deeds present themselves to us every day. We just have to choose to act, rather than not. But if you’re stuck for ideas, they have some suggestions:  http://www.peopleforgood.ca/#GoodDeeds

Groundhog Day

Groundhog Day is one of my favourite movies. Clever writing and perfectly timed edits build a humorous, poignant, and challenging story that unrolls three of my favourite themes:
  1. Long-lasting happiness doesn’t come through material things or self-indulgence; it comes from making a valuable contribution to society.
  2. Life-long learning enriches the self and society.
  3. You can’t control other people’s actions or emotions.

At the beginning of the movie, Phil Connors (Bill Murray) is a self-centred, cynical jerk. Through an unexplained circumstance he finds himself living and reliving February 2—Groundhog Day—over and over and over. Every day after his clock radio clicks over to 6:00 a.m. and he hears the same Sonny and Cher song, he meets the same people and re-lives the same events, trying to figure out what he has to do to escape the repetitive loop. Goofing off on the job doesn’t do it. Eating every creamy dessert in sight doesn’t help. Suicide attempts don’t work. When he falls in love with Rita (Andie MacDowell) he tries to make her fall in love with him. He pretends to be something he isn’t. He plays tricks, and he pushes too fast, too soon.

  • Eventually, day after day, he begins to notice people he can help: women in a car with a flat tire on Main Street, a choking victim in the restaurant, or the homeless man in the alley.
  • Eventually, he decides to learn new things: he becomes an excellent piano player, a master ice sculptor, and learns to speak French.
  • Eventually, he evolves into a compassionate, interested person who allows others to be where  they are.

That is, of course, when the cycle breaks.

If I were to mention the three themes above in casual conversation, most people would nod in agreement. True, long-lasting happiness doesn’t come from a store. True, learning new things just makes life so darned interesting. True, we can’t control or other people’s actions or emotions.

But those commonly accepted rules aren’t so easy to live.

We act a certain way, even if it’s not an authentic way for us, to try to make people like us. We try to shape other people according to our expectations. We push them to quit smoking, get fit, wear different clothes, change their hair, get higher grades, quit drinking . . .

We come up with excuses to avoid new challenges. We’re too tired, too old, too young, have no time, no money, no proper equipment . . .

And no matter how much we know that material things or self-indulgence won’t bring us long-term happiness, we still pine for a new car, Häagen-Dazs Dark Chocolate, a designer bag, a 52-inch flat screen, the latest electronic gadget . . .

If you never watched Groundhog Day, or if you dismissed it as a mindless lark, I invite you to visit it, or revisit it, over and over and over. It seems the themes need repeating.

Photo © 2004 by April King

Crafting freely

Every morning I sit in the La-Z-Boy in my family room, look out the window and write. I write longhand with pen and paper, and I write freely, without concern for grammar, spelling or misplaced modifiers.

My neighbours across the street have two young children ages five and three. As I sit in my chair every morning, I look across to the picture window of their living room where the art of these two children is proudly displayed. Their crafts change with the seasons over the course of the year: colourful autumn leaves become pumpkins, then sparkling snowflakes, then Valentine hearts, and then tulips. Like the scene in Notting Hill where Hugh Grant’s character walks through the market and he remains the same but the seasons change behind him, I sit in my chair unchanged while the seasons change in front of me.

Creativity inspires joy

When my children were young I worked for a time as a pre-school playgroup leader. Each week I prepared a craft for the children to create. I always provided a sample of how the finished product could look. No matter how clearly we explained the craft and how often we showed the sample, if there were twelve children in the group, there would be twelve distinctly different results. Each child, without self-consciousness or concern for what anyone else thought, took the basic ingredients and created something unique, exactly what he or she wanted. Each child thought his or her version was perfect and exactly as it should be. Without exception, each one of those children waved the finished product in the air proudly. “I made this!” they exclaimed with great excitement. The creativity and sense of accomplishment inspired uninhibited joy.

At that age, “not good enough” or “you should have done it this way” don’t apply.

Eventually, children get older, and the challenges become greater. In order to help them improve, people around them give them suggestions on how to make their work better. When this happens, the children realize that what they’re doing does not meet the mark somehow, and they become self-conscious. They start to examine what they do to see if it measures up. They start to compare themselves with others and find themselves wanting. The “shoulds” they hear make them feel they are “not good enough.”

Sadly, they often stop creating altogether.

Put blank pieces of paper and paint brushes in a room full of toddlers and smile as you watch them create with joyful abandon.

But hand out blank pieces of paper and paint brushes to a group of adults and count how many freeze with fear. “I can’t draw!” they say, or “I haven’t got an artist’s bone in my body.”

Adults find it difficult to create with abandon. There’s always someone around to judge. When someone points out a grammatical error in our writing, we think, “Who am I kidding? I can’t write.” When someone tells us that a dog we drew looks like a horse, we think, “Who am I kidding? I can’t draw.”

I love that my neighbour children share their art so openly and freely.

How many of us adults would put up our art in the front window for all to see?

I believe that creating is the secret to happiness. Boredom, depression and lack of fulfilment can only find room in us if we’re not taking up that space with creative ideas. 

Paint a picture, write a poem, or even just doodle on your napkin. Whatever it is, hold it up and say, “I made this!” and you will rediscover toddler-like joy in life.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 250 other followers